Valentine Moon

Image

Valentine sky

filled with the soft tawny glow

of this February Moon;

Snow Moon of the Human Beings,

the natives of this land.

First pulled to the window

then all the way outdoors to watch

the ascent in the eastern darkness

staring and moving to view

the beauty

from behind the naked trees

my bare feet on the concrete

still warm from an uncommon burst

of spring-like temperatures today.

As the Moon shimmers aloft,

I smile and shiver below, clad

only in my nightshirt, here

in the blackness

and the shadows of night.

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I call him Romeo

but he was never really all

that romantic

or necessarily faithful…

My soul recognized his soul

thirty eight years ago

this Spring.

I was tangled up in

dreamy, impractical love

adoring and clinging,

jealous, possessive love.

Other women warned me

his grandmother, his mother

and both of his previous wives…

male friends warned me, too.

We formed a family unit

loose and expansive…

friends and lovers and others

flowed in and out of

our lives

My heart throbbed with an aching

love of him

Years past. As predicted

he drifted…

Just as predictably I reacted; it

did not end well.

However souls know…

often more than the human spirit.

When the spirit breaks loose

the soul turns blue

or if really wounded

turns purple.

My soul turned lavender first

progressing all the way to

purple.

Although apart more years

than we were together

but in concert now

again.

Yesterday’s valentine

brought roses and wine,

candles and porcelain plates

laid out on a damask cloth-

to serve a well-thought out

special homemade dinner.

It was only he who could turn

 my icy heart again to

 golden.

In winter’s grasp

I was hopeful, with the new year
to gather new inspiration
or, if not that
at least energy…
so far, not so.
It has been a January of inaction
mostly
I am a good
(or bad)
three weeks behind
in a poetry on-line class
I could not wait to begin…
I am paralyzed by
Winter.
The cold, I used to long for
blows hard and for
too many days
and weeks.
Spring,
you are weeks away-
I still long for you
to awaken the sleeping Earth.

Remains of my day

The rain splattering on the deck

awakened me before the alarms sequentially

started the morning wake up sequence.

Rain! I am hopeful that means fewer

grains of pollen per million as my head

is about to explode.

Traffic crawls.

I crawl with it. The hospital and it’s

normal insanity are not going anywhere…

Crisis follows mayhem; a new year but

nothing new…

The skin is peeling off my face from the past week

of frigid weather…the rain means it is warmer.

The day is gray, the mist penetrates the landscape

and my gloomy psyche.

Last  year, sunshine

on this date; we celebrated daddy’s 90th birthday.

This year he will celebrate in Heaven.

Out of the blue

January 2, 2014

Today, quite unexpectedly, I received a Christmas letter from a dear friend. It  gave my heart pangs of grief as I attended her funeral on December 17, exactly one week after the funeral of my father.                                                                    

“Jinger” and my dad were nearly the same age. I first met her when she was a patient at a hospital where I worked. There was instant magic and attraction as if our souls were comfortable old friends. I would visit her each time she was a patient -she began announcing in the Emergency Room upon arrival to notify me she was in the house. Afterwards, when she released, we would visit her in the care facilities she moved to.

One day, after learning that my mother had passed some years before, Jinger announced that she could be my mom-my second mother. We agreed it would be a good thing for us-I even told her real daughter and her son of my “adoption”. Another of my friends and I would go as often as we could to the Assisted Living facility where both she and her husband resided. Although on different units, they visited each other often. They brought great joy to our lives, to each other and to the residents and staff . When her beloved husband passed away she told us she often saw him in the empty bed beside her in the room as she lay sleeping. We were at her side for his funeral.

My friend and I had planned to visit her  Saturday on the week she died.

Sitting in the memorial chapel for her funeral just weeks ago, my sorrow seemed almost overwhelming. It was so hard to lose your mother and your father…and to lose my “adopted mother” so quickly after my daddy seemed nearly unbearable.

The Christmas letter I received today was dictated in October, prior to becoming sicker and going on Hospice Care. She spoke of her declining health but also of her hope to be better in the new year. She thanked everyone for their visits and kindnesses to her in the year just past. Her daughter was kind to mail it to the recipients on her list. She had already signed and stuffed them into the envelopes-ready to go!

My heart  is still reeling from the numbing grief following this month of heartache and sorrow. I will miss my dear sweet friend who one sunny afternoon saw inside the heart of this middle aged woman; only she was seeing the heart of a girl who grieved the loss of her mother and reached out to comfort me.

I will never forget the mark she left on my life. I know that I am a better person for having known her.

 

New Year’s Day 2014

Last night I celebrated the end of a year.
I was clever and giddy last night,
consuming food far too rich and drinking too much wine.
It was, indeed a great gathering…
last night, a few dear friends engaged in feasting, dance and song.
I tumbled into bed scarcely past 1:30…
 Good morning you party girl! I could not rise upright before nine
 needing to nap again before noon… rumbly tummy…
 Now,”tis only nine pm- I surrender to the clock and shut out the light.