filled with the soft tawny glow
of this February Moon;
Snow Moon of the Human Beings,
the natives of this land.
First pulled to the window
then all the way outdoors to watch
the ascent in the eastern darkness
staring and moving to view
from behind the naked trees
my bare feet on the concrete
still warm from an uncommon burst
of spring-like temperatures today.
As the Moon shimmers aloft,
I smile and shiver below, clad
only in my nightshirt, here
in the blackness
and the shadows of night.
I call him Romeo
but he was never really all
or necessarily faithful…
My soul recognized his soul
thirty eight years ago
I was tangled up in
dreamy, impractical love
adoring and clinging,
jealous, possessive love.
Other women warned me
his grandmother, his mother
and both of his previous wives…
male friends warned me, too.
We formed a family unit
loose and expansive…
friends and lovers and others
flowed in and out of
My heart throbbed with an aching
love of him
Years past. As predicted
Just as predictably I reacted; it
did not end well.
However souls know…
often more than the human spirit.
When the spirit breaks loose
the soul turns blue
or if really wounded
My soul turned lavender first
progressing all the way to
Although apart more years
than we were together
but in concert now
brought roses and wine,
candles and porcelain plates
laid out on a damask cloth-
to serve a well-thought out
special homemade dinner.
It was only he who could turn
my icy heart again to
I was hopeful, with the new year
to gather new inspiration
or, if not that
at least energy…
so far, not so.
It has been a January of inaction
I am a good
three weeks behind
in a poetry on-line class
I could not wait to begin…
I am paralyzed by
The cold, I used to long for
blows hard and for
too many days
you are weeks away-
I still long for you
to awaken the sleeping Earth.
The rain splattering on the deck
awakened me before the alarms sequentially
started the morning wake up sequence.
Rain! I am hopeful that means fewer
grains of pollen per million as my head
is about to explode.
I crawl with it. The hospital and it’s
normal insanity are not going anywhere…
Crisis follows mayhem; a new year but
The skin is peeling off my face from the past week
of frigid weather…the rain means it is warmer.
The day is gray, the mist penetrates the landscape
and my gloomy psyche.
Last year, sunshine
on this date; we celebrated daddy’s 90th birthday.
This year he will celebrate in Heaven.
fill my mind
and books with leaves
left as offerings
for this poet
at my feet…
Romeo brings them
Three winter leaves
Three separate shades
We do have winter in Texas
Leaves to admire
between the words
of far greater poets.
January 2, 2014
Today, quite unexpectedly, I received a Christmas letter from a dear friend. It gave my heart pangs of grief as I attended her funeral on December 17, exactly one week after the funeral of my father.
“Jinger” and my dad were nearly the same age. I first met her when she was a patient at a hospital where I worked. There was instant magic and attraction as if our souls were comfortable old friends. I would visit her each time she was a patient -she began announcing in the Emergency Room upon arrival to notify me she was in the house. Afterwards, when she released, we would visit her in the care facilities she moved to.
One day, after learning that my mother had passed some years before, Jinger announced that she could be my mom-my second mother. We agreed it would be a good thing for us-I even told her real daughter and her son of my “adoption”. Another of my friends and I would go as often as we could to the Assisted Living facility where both she and her husband resided. Although on different units, they visited each other often. They brought great joy to our lives, to each other and to the residents and staff . When her beloved husband passed away she told us she often saw him in the empty bed beside her in the room as she lay sleeping. We were at her side for his funeral.
My friend and I had planned to visit her Saturday on the week she died.
Sitting in the memorial chapel for her funeral just weeks ago, my sorrow seemed almost overwhelming. It was so hard to lose your mother and your father…and to lose my “adopted mother” so quickly after my daddy seemed nearly unbearable.
The Christmas letter I received today was dictated in October, prior to becoming sicker and going on Hospice Care. She spoke of her declining health but also of her hope to be better in the new year. She thanked everyone for their visits and kindnesses to her in the year just past. Her daughter was kind to mail it to the recipients on her list. She had already signed and stuffed them into the envelopes-ready to go!
My heart is still reeling from the numbing grief following this month of heartache and sorrow. I will miss my dear sweet friend who one sunny afternoon saw inside the heart of this middle aged woman; only she was seeing the heart of a girl who grieved the loss of her mother and reached out to comfort me.
I will never forget the mark she left on my life. I know that I am a better person for having known her.
Last night I celebrated the end of a year.
I was clever and giddy last night,
consuming food far too rich and drinking too much wine.
It was, indeed a great gathering…
last night, a few dear friends engaged in feasting, dance and song.
I tumbled into bed scarcely past 1:30…
Good morning you party girl! I could not rise upright before nine
needing to nap again before noon… rumbly tummy…
Now,”tis only nine pm- I surrender to the clock and shut out the light.