January 6, 2013
It has not quite been a week since I returned to my blog…planning to continue writing here weekly for all of 2013. It has so far not proved to be too difficult…not with-standing the pain I have sitting here perched on the edge of a wooden straight-back folding chair in this wreck of a space I call my computer room. It is not the computer that is a wreck but rather the mistress of the room, Moi`. I sit, now, perched because the sciatica that has plagued me for over two years. I finally rounded a corner in regard to the sciatica within the last week; I asked my Physical Medicine Doctor to send my record and referral to a Neuro-guy. By Neuro-guy I mean surgeon because at this point that seems to be the option I have been scudding towards, heels dug-in for the past how many months that turned into years.
I was no more aware of my aching back-butt unit than yesterday when my beloved Romeo and I made a day trip to San Antonio from our home in the center -of-our-Universe, which is South Austin, Texas. The occasion for the trip, was a birthday dinner celebrating my father’s upcoming 90th birthday in 2 days. All but 1 of my sibs live in San Antonio, as does my dad. I knew the trip was coming up and as if instinctively my back began to act up as dawn broke.
No matter how I wriggled around in the car seat my back rewarded me with streaks of pain rushing from back to hip to big toe on the right side of my body. When it was not shooting pain it was a feeling as if ice water was trickling down the leg. I am not normally such a grumpy co-pilot; however, poor Romeo had to endure the spin-off effects of my misery the entire 84.3 miles to the Outback Steakhouse. We were low on gas, my fault for not filling the car after I finished at the nail salon. Just the small act of getting fuel seemed to warrant another explosion from me. Dare I say taking the wrong exit off the freeway launched yet another tirade from her not- driving –the- car. Sigh.
The family had been seated in the restaurant by the time we arrived. Everyone was there…nope, wait, someone was missing. One of my sisters and her husband sent apologies…sick with a cold. I freaking quietly became ballistic, sharing my dissatisfaction with my baby sister who filled me in on the absence. All is good everyone said because she did not want to get our daddy sick…grudgingly, I agreed it was probably just as well-after all, she was a nurse.
We shared appetizers and bread and girl trips to the bathroom together. My dad was very happy to have a majority of the family together. We told jokes, talked about the economy, retirement and bad backs. Some of us mouthed silent messages across the table to each other, and we adjourned back to dad’s to say our goodbyes. No one was hungry for cake since the server and her team brought daddy a small cake and sang a birthday song. It was a good day.
I was much more relaxed on the return trip home. I apologized repeatedly to my love who repeatedly said it was not necessary. My back will hurt until it is fixed…I might as well be as cheerful over top of the pain as possible, because my wonderful Daddy will only turn 90 one time. I was glad to share it with him.
I love new years…blank pages in a journal, the first pages of a brand spanking unscribbled on calendar. The hope that fills the air as old friends and new aquaintainces hug and kiss goodnite to celebrate the end of the passing year.
I spent last evening in the company of fond friends and some friends of these friends…and of course, my Romeo. The dinner party planned for nearly a month and repeatedly reminded to me-lest I weazel my way out with some lame excuse. Our hosts were serving prime rib, and the other three couples side dishes. Simple enough…Romeo went to the grocer to get what I needed; I rested. I’d only had to work part of the day and ended up working even longer than I had planned.I was home from work by two thirty and so exhausted I needed a nap.The party was great-good friends, great food and memorable conversations. I hurt so much by eleven that we missed the fireworks.
For the past two years I have been enduring chronic back pain. Over the past two months it seems to be progressing rapidly. With each new sypmptom I cringe. I have been avoiding the trajectory that has nonetheless marched on, bringing me and my ailing back with it. It is sometimes impossible to walk more than a few dozen feet or sit for more than twenty minutes or stand in place for more than ten. I am grateful for good insurance and working in a great job. There are days or more likely nights when I truly understand what so many of the patients I encounter go through. Many suffer from chronic pain, some physical others emotional or mental. I understand their need to feel some relief from constant suffering…I cringe when I hear our staff refer to them as “drug-seeking”. I take the same medication they are accused of abusing. I understand why they do so. I inch closer to that understanding each week. I hate it. I hate taking pills to try to have a restful night. I hate the constipation and the morning groginess.I have exhausted my options now and the next choice is naming the doctor who will attempt to make this nightmare end. I will try to give an accurate accounting of how that all looks after I meet with him/her.
Now the last day of the first day of the new year is ebbing. My Narco 10/325 is working. I can feel my head fogging up. Romeo is watching a football game with the dogs napping close by. The only indication there was Christmas this year is our miniature four foot tree with no ornaments save the large sparkly butterfly on top and the trees built in fibre optic lights. It sits darkly in the living room. By all honest accounts,I am not firing on all of my available cylinders.
I am optomistically attempting to make this blog weekly, or whenever I get inspired to say something. Don’t hold my feet to the fire if I miss a day. I am too tired to try and find the spell check tonight.
Happy New year one and all. Tomorrow is a work day so off to dreamland I go…
Mother told me when I moved into this house
twenty plus years ago
that I was born into the wrong century.
She shook her head as I had Romeo and the boys
did up the entire back yard for a garden
She might have been right!
I spent my weekend off from work
first at the Farmer’s Market and after that
in the kitchen.
We sliced several pounds of okra
sprinkled it with cayenne pepper and garlic
and put it in the new dehydrator to dry.
Five trays of okra yielded 1/2 quart ziploc bag of dehydrated okra
For breakfast this morning I made scones for my beloved
who cooks for me five days a week…
fresh peach and blueberry scones, brushed with real cream
After that I wanted to make homemade baked beans
After that, homemade spaghetti sauce
I did not find the pickling salt until about ten minutes ago
or I’d probably be in the kitchen making pickles right now!
I miss my Mom…she is probably shaking her beautiful halo
right now looking down on me
knowing Romeo would be the one
who had to clean the kitchen
between each culinary project.
Mom is still right!
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of AMERICA.
WHEN, in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another; and to assume, among the Powers Of The Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the Causes which impel them to the Separation.
We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their CREATOR with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established, should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
HE has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.
HE has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
HE has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People, unless those People would relinquish the Right of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them and formidable to Tyranny only.
HE has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.
HE has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the people.
HE has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, Incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining, in the mean Time, exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.
HE has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
HE has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
HE has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and the Amount and Payment of their Salaries.
HE has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.
HE has kept among us, in times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the Consent of our Legislatures.
HE has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
HE has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
FOR quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:
FOR protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
FOR cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:
FOR imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
FOR depriving us in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:
FOR transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:
FOR abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule into these Colonies:
FOR taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
FOR suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Power to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.
HE has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection, and waging War against us.
HE has plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.
HE is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with Circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Nation.
HE has constrained our fellow Citizens, taken Captive on the high Seas, to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
HE has excited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.
IN every Stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every Act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.
NOR have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them, from Time to Time, of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our Connexions and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of Consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the Rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
WE, therefore, the Representatives of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, in GENERAL CONGRESS, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be,FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connexion between them and the State of Great-Britain, is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and that as FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which INDEPENDENT STATES may of Right do. And for the Support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of DIVINE PROVIDENCE, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honour.
! I celebrate… you bring me rain!
I celebrate the tiny splashes on my toes
mini rivers race from the roof to splash
into our waiting barrels
barrels and buckets lest a drop escape
no thunder did announce
your dropping by…
overcast darkness of morning
sky was all I needed…
a celebration loomed
on my event horizon
I get giddy as I splish
barefooted on the slippery deck!
My rain dance not required
but how else to rejoice?
The Mexican lime tree
and Meyer lemons
slurp your offering
drift like fuchsia snow.